Have We Done Asgard Yet?
by CheyanneChika
Summary: Inspired by River Song's question in "Silence in the Library". River and the Doctor go to Asgard for a picnic and River wanders off. Crossover with Thor and possibly Avengers. River/11 River flirting with various people on Asgard. General craziness that follows the Doctor and River wherever they go and Thor and company have to put up with it.
1. Prologue

**Okay, so I was just watching all the Marvel movies in one giant binge and something River said in her first episode of _Doctor Who_ floated into my head. "Picnic at Asgard. Have we done Asgard yet?" I immediately started hunting around the site for similar stories. There is an astounding lack of them. **

**So I decided to at the very least write a prologue and see if anyone at all was interested. This will probably have tie-ins to **_**Thor**_** and **_**The Avengers**_** the films since I don't know anything about the comics except that Thor cannot just jump back and forth at the drop of a dime…which I'm ignoring since I don't know how I'm gonna do time frames yet. For **_**Doctor Who**_**, it's post 7.05 at least. **

**Prologue**

"Wow, you know, this place is beautiful!" River gushed the moment she stepped out of the TARDIS. "Sweetie, you really know the best places to take a girl."

"Yes, it is perfect for a picnic, isn't it?" the Doctor replied brightly as he followed his…well for him they were married. For her, he wasn't entirely sure. He ran a hand through his floppy brown hair, adjusted his bowtie and strolled in front of her to look at the view.

They'd parked, logically, in the best spot to overlook Odin Allfather's palace in its great majesty. The Doctor didn't say anything to River, but it reminded him just a bit of the cities on Gallifrey. So very shiny.

"So, did you bring the picnic basket?" she asked, drawing his thoughts away from home.

"I did," the Doctor started, looking down at one arm then the other, expecting the basket to be there. "Must've left it on the TARDIS."

River smiled. "Best go fetch it, then."

The Doctor nodded. "Be right back. _Don't_ wander off." With that, he passed her, touching her hand with affection and ran back to his ship. He snapped his fingers, too lazy to hunt for his key, and dashed inside.

River wandered off.

This really shouldn't have surprised her husband and it didn't. What bothered him was that he had no one, not even a cat or a horse to complain to about it. He sighed and wished Amy was still around. Perhaps she could rein her daughter in. The Doctor laughed aloud at his foolishness. Amy would've beaten River to the punch.

He just hoped he could catch up before she started an interplanetary kerfuffle. He hated kerfuffles. They were not cool at all.

They were even less cool on Asgard, as the Doctor would find out by the end of the day.

**Please review cuz otherwise I won't think people are interested. Oh! I own nothing.**

**Thanks for reading.**


	2. River Runs Through It

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It all belongs to BBS and Marvel.**

**I've decided to continue since I'm blocked on my other stories though not this one. So let's see if I can actually get this off the ground.**

**Chapter One**

River gave the Doctor the slip the moment he ducked inside the TARDIS. A picnic was nice and all but she was hankering for adventure and her hubby was clearly in a just-a-date mood. "He should really know better by now," she murmured to no one in particular as she strutted down the crest and into the city.

She found very quickly that her clothes from the fifty-first century, a belted tunic dress and shiny leggings with calf-high boots, was actually able to blend in. All around her seemed to be an almost medieval, no, more Romanesque style for the clothes. Her father would love it here. The city appeared to be market on the street level and living quarters above.

Well, she hadn't eaten since she hadn't thought the Doctor would give her an opportunity to explore so early on. She leaned close to a large man dressed in a red tunic and brown leggings as he passed. They bumped shoulders. "Forgive me, lady," he murmured graciously.

"Oh no, the fault's mine," she answered primly and smiled wickedly. The man, unaccustomed to a look like than from a gorgeous woman—other than his wife who'd never let him hear the end of it if he didn't say she was a beauty—flushed slightly and nodded deeply.

River nodded back and turned away. "Sorry, love," she whispered and tucked his purse into a pocket.

As an archeologist, the planet Asgard had been included in her studies. They rarely let non-diplomatic offworlders visit and the ones that did were not allowed to dig in the dirt. The place had a rich history between their wars, their peace and the crown prince's involvement in the protection of Earth. She had no idea what year it was but hoped that she might wrangle a trip to the palace, a monstrous place she could see from anywhere in the city.

And then it happened. "Thief!" cried a voice suddenly. "Thief!"

River did not turn to look. She recognized the voice as that of the man she'd bumped into. She dove into a shop selling some sort of vegetables and darted to the back, despite shouts from an angry shopkeeper. She opened the back door to an alley between two buildings and darted along it, looking back and up to make sure she wasn't being followed.

As she reached another main street, she slowed to a walk and tried to appear casual as she stopped out. She headed to the next street parallel to the one she'd fled and walked straight into Red Tunic. He grabbed her. She kicked furiously, freed herself for a minute but this was Asgard. Brute strength was their forte. He grabbed her again and held on until two men in black armor relieved him of her.

"Look, I can explain. I have money. Just nothing you'd accept. Trust me, credits are worth it out in space."

"You're not from this planet?" one guard asked.

"I'm from wherever you want me to be, sweetie," she said playfully.

This was clearly the wrong way to go about escaping. They ignored these words and took her gun and the stolen purse. It was handed back to Red Tunic who accepted, peered inside, cast a nasty look at her and stormed off. "You boys look lovely. Those outfits make me think of Dad. Though his was gold and he had this wonderful red cape. Set off his blond hair so nicely."

Both guards stiffened at this description. They looked carefully at each other. Prince Thor matched it but as far as they knew, he had no children. But rumors of an affair on another planet had circulated. His friends had loose lips when extremely intoxicated.

Could this be a product of that affair? Both guards gulped and decided to take her to the palace and lock her up rather than a closer holding area. They nodded to each other and did their best to ignore the flirtations and distractions River made as they walked, holding each of her arms. If she really was a princess of Asgard, Thor would not like her harmed.

It never occurred to them that they were doing exactly as she wished.

**To be continued…**

**Okay, we follow the Doctor around in the next chapter. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	3. Too Late

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything at all. Not even my cat, who keeps pawing at the keyboard.**

**Chapter Two**

The Doctor knew that the fastest way to find River was to look anywhere something exciting was happening. That left him with only one option. He dumped the picnic basket and headed into the city with only mild trepidation. Unlike River, he did not blend in at all.

He stood out like a sore thumb, which was a weird saying. Anyway, in his tween and braces, people paid him glances of mild confusion. They had seen off-worlders before but it was fairly rare and none of them dressed in such a way. Whispers followed him until he went to a shop that sold weapons. River might stop there first. If she had stopped at all.

The woman running the shop glared at him as though he didn't belong. "Excuse me," he said when she didn't speak. "I'm looking for a woman."

She raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you all?"

He took a minute to absorb the sarcasm. Then he laughed shortly and said, "No. A specific woman. My height, lots of blonde, curly hair. Carries a gun. I don't really like it but what can you do? Have you seen her?"

"She a local?" the arms mistress asked.

"Uh, well, no."

"Nope. No off-worlders, no guns. Whatever they are."

The Doctor frowned. "You don't have guns? None at all?"

"We have swords and staffs." She gestured around the room which was filled with sharpened metal, wood and colorful stones and orbs for magic weapons. "You interested?"

"Uh, no, not really."

"Then get out." She moved away to polish a sword currently sitting on the counter.

"Right." The Doctor left quickly, running hands through his hair. He wandered back into the street. More people were starting to stare. He tried to ignore it, walking along and whistling a tune.

Then he heard someone bellow, "Thief! Thief!" The Doctor blinked slowly in exasperation. Then he ran headlong in the direction of the cries. By the time he caught up, all he could see was a man in a red tunic scrounging about in his coin purse.

He approached. "Pardon me, who's the thief?"

The man looked at him sourly. "What's it to you off-worlder?"

"Well, it's just…a friend of mine wandered off and she's got a lot of bad habits. Blonde? Lots of curls? Unfamiliar weaponry?"

He nodded stiffly. "She's being charged."

"Ooh, any chance we can avoid that?" He looked pleadingly at the man.

"Out of my hands," he said gruffly. He looked off and noticed the guards. They weren't dragging the woman but appeared to be holding on to either arm and heading toward the palace. "Odd," he murmured.

The Doctor followed his gaze, catching sight of all that hair, he ran a hand through his own and dashed off after them. He turned back, still running and yelled, "Sorry she caused trouble!" Then he turned back and sped up.

**To be continued…**

**Back to River in the next chapter. Please review. I do so adore them.**

**Thanks for reading!**


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